Papa

 "Sugar, the kitchen is sparklin'!" Papa complimented the work Mimi had just completed, cleaning the kitchen. Later that same evening, he sincerely complimented her newly purchased pajamas that she was unsure about, "They're cute!"

I was visiting for Mimi's 80th birthday, and Papa's unsolicited remarks made an impression on me. At first, I thought it was something he'd learned throughout over six decades of marriage. And perhaps it is partly attributed to such, but mostly, I think that it was just the way he was. 

When he joined the Marines, he worked on a military base nearly 500 miles away from home. He hitchhiked on the weekends to go see her. He was 17. She was 15. 

I saw this same devotion in his later years as he cared for her through dementia and ensured she'd be taken care of when he was gone. 

He was optimistic and joyful. He had a hearty laugh. He enjoyed going on walks, and I have memories of going on strolls with him around the neighborhood. On one such walk when I was a child, he said, "Railroad crossing, look out for cars. Can you spell that without any 'r's?" I carefully spelled the entire phrase without any "r"s. Then he responded, "No. It's t-h-a-t!" 

Papa was a hard worker, holding a job from the time he was twelve until he physically couldn't anymore. He started and ran his own business, Legacy Systems and Graphics. As a child, I thought it was a weird name and asked who on earth came up with a name like that. He replied that he did. It was then I realized it was his company. I enjoyed getting company swag when we visited- pens, notebooks, calendars, etc. 

Papa was successful and very generous. He never hesitated to share with those in need. He indulged Mimi in her love of shopping and complimented her taste in decor. 

Papa was very social and outgoing. He had so many different friends from different parts of his life. He asked family to let his dry cleaner know when he passed, as he had built a friendship with him. He saw opportunities for friendship in people and places others don't.

He was a true Southern gentleman, with a thick accent and a distinctive voice. He was born and raised in Georgia, like ancestors in generations before him. He spent only a few years of his life outside of the state (North Carolina, Florida). 

He grew up in a Southern Baptist church, and sang in the choir. Then after 14 years of attending Mimi's church with her, he was baptized into that church-the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

He liked to travel and visited places all over the country and the world. Mimi and Papa served an 18-month mission in 2006. They originally said they preferred to stay in the US, but instead accepted a call where they taught and served and loved the people of Johannesburg, South Africa. I am still in possession of some of the plethora of souvenirs they brought home (thanks to their generosity and Mimi's love of shopping). At the start of their mission, they went to the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah for a number of weeks. I lived across the street from them in Wymount Terrace. It was the closest I'd ever lived by them. 

My family lived across the state from them for most of my childhood. But they were always supportive. We saw them several times a year, and they were there for all the big events, and a lot of the little ones. I remember Papa watching a marching band practice of mine once, and he would cheer for us. At a practice. Mimi and Papa would stay in my room when they visited, and they would often leave me a treat or some money because I let them use my room. (I'm pretty sure my sisters got some prize, too, though. And I know he hid money around the house for my mom to find later.) 

Papa's biggest passions were his relationship with God and his family. He lost his mother as an infant. He had no memory of her, but still felt close to her. He kept a photo of her in his room, and kissed it every night before he went to bed. 

Music was also a big passion of his. He would hear a phrase someone said, and it would remind him of an old song. He'd turn anything into a song. He was always singing. I have a video I recorded at Papa's 80th birthday party, where he and Mimi sang "Missing in Action". Another song he often sang was "I'll Fly Away", which song was included in his funeral. It captures the peace and joy I'm sure he is experiencing now that he has passed. 

Some glad morning when this life is over

I'll fly away

To a home on God's celestial shore

I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh, Glory

I'll fly away

When I die, Hallelujah, by and by

I'll fly away

Just a few more weary days and then

I'll fly away

To a land where joy shall never end

I'll fly away

I'll fly away, oh, Glory

I'll fly away

When I die, Hallelujah, by and by

I'll fly away

Yeah, when I die, Hallelujah, by and by

I'll fly away 

Abortion is Anti-Woman, Anti-Feminism

 I believe that a human fetus is a human life, which is sacred, and that abortion is ending that life. I believe this and feel this with all my soul, and the concept of abortion makes me feel sick. I believe it shouldn't be legal because I believe a fetus is a living human soul. My belief is a moral, scientific, and religious one. My belief in the high worth of a woman is also a moral, scientific, and religious one. Hence, I am against abortion because it is anti-woman. There. I said it. I cringe when I hear about abortion being a 'woman's right'. And not just because roughly half of all aborted humans are female. And not just because biologically, the woman's body is made to carry and bear offspring. (Have you ever studied, in depth, the woman's body and its physiology and cycles? It's shocking and humbling to realize that female bodies are literally made to be baby-producing machines. I'm not saying that that is women's only purpose, or that that's every woman's purpose, just that much of what the female body experiences is due to its biological role of reproduction.) 

No matter where you stand on the issue of abortion, can we all agree that it's not exactly something you go do for fun? It's a medical procedure, and an invasive one, at that. We'd all like to prevent undergoing a medical procedure if we can. There are many things that lead women to consider an abortion. Ineffective birth control, rape, and lack of (physical, financial, mental, emotional) support seem to be the most obvious problems and common justifications for the practice. Compared to the demand I see for abortion rights, there is little demand for better birth control, harsher sex crime punishments, and more education and support surrounding pregnancy and parenting. Have women really given up? Is this the hill we choose to die on--fighting for abortion rights instead of the kind of rights that promote womanhood and prevent the problems that lead to abortion? 

There has been a drive for free and accessible birth control for all, which is commendable, but we clearly aren't where we should be with this. Each form of birth control has some drawback and side effect: the effectiveness, the hormonal consequences, the financial stress, compromised health, decreased physical comfort, and/or lack of convenience. We have come a long way in birth control, but we need more research and better options. 

More needs to be done to discourage sexual assault. Harsher punishment, fighting the pornography industry, scaling way back on sexuality in entertainment and advertisement, laws and programs that would promote all of the aforementioned things...we need to fight this! (My brevity in words on this subject does not represent my thoughts on it. For many reasons, I am quite angry, but speechless, about it.)

I can see, through my experience with public schools, that schools are now tasked with the overwhelming responsibility of not only educating, but also of parenting, to a certain extent. Schools are having to teach children things that they should have learned at home. Many children are growing up without the support they need to grow up to be (physically, emotionally, mentally, financially) healthy adults. There are resources and programs to help with that support, but we still struggle. More emphasis on promoting healthy families and homes would be highly beneficial, not only to support a person when something unexpected comes up (i.e., unintended pregnancy), but also to support society as a whole. 

I've heard the argument that this is just the world we live in. We have to adjust to it. But, WHY? We can be really good at boldly standing for what we believe in, except...when we're not. Women, why give up?! Why give up and demand the right to the barbaric practice of abortion?! Abortion legalized or not, the law does not fix the root of the problem. Fight for your right as a woman! To be heard! To be healthy! To not be sexually assaulted! To be respected! To be educated! To be supported! Fight for your right to be the glorious woman you are! 

What Did I Even Do Today?

Last night, I was feeling pretty lousy. I felt like I got nothing done that day. By the time I put my girls to bed at about 8:00, I was exhausted, and had no energy left to do the myriad of chores that waited for me. There were dirty dishes in the sink, overflowing to the counter. Our dinner mess was still on the table. And it was a take-out dinner. Bags of (non-perishable) groceries were still sitting on the counter. I didn't finish organizing my room, and my floors needed washing. There were clean clothes that needed to be put away and a lot of dirty laundry. I had not done any laundry that day. I could keep going. You get the idea.

Lately, I have tried really hard to get my house in order. I've never been the neatest person, and I've never cared too much if someone saw my house in less than perfect condition. But in the past several months, it has been bothering me more, and I've been working to change that. Not because of any social or cultural expectation. I actually get tired of reading blogs about how it's ok if you're house is a disgusting disaster 'cause you're a mom and "the chores will still be there later". It's good that there's an aspect of mom culture these days that releases you from stringent cleaning expectations, but sometimes I feel like the pendulum has swung the other way. There is something to having a clean home. I've started noticing how good I feel when I am in a clean, orderly, pleasant-looking environment. I see it even in my children. When they walk into a clean room, they have a burst of energy and excitement from seeing a clean, open space to play in. I am just so tired of being overwhelmed by my surroundings in my own home. I want my home to be more peaceful and enjoyable to me.

So I've tried doing at least one load of laundry every day. For a while now, I've put more of an effort into keeping up with the dishes, and I'm still working on it. I've put new tidying and cleaning practices into place. I'm trying to get my family on board. I've tried cleaning things out, throwing things out, and donating things. I've paid extra attention to different colors and objects and how they make me feel. I've rearranged, I've decorated, I've tried hard to make my home a more enjoyable place. I still have a ways to go, and I'm ok with that, as long as I keep trying.

Yesterday, I fulfilled none of those new goals, and I felt frustrated and depressed, especially since I am a stay at home mom, so those things shouldn't be that hard to do, right? I really did feel like I accomplished nothing. I started examining my day. It wasn't a particularly busy day, so why was I so tired, and how had I accomplished nothing?!

Soon, I realized that I didn't do nothing.

I provided care for my children. It's easy for me to think that this is no big deal. When a mom stays home with her children, many people don't qualify that as work, and they wonder what she does all day. Yet childcare is something that people pay lots of money for, and we put a lot of energy into making sure our children's babysitters, daycare, and schools are high-quality. So even if I am doing nothing else, providing childcare for my children is important.

I watched my friend's child for a while, too.

I continued working on potty training my younger daughter (I had forgotten how much time active potty training takes!).

I fed my family. I went grocery shopping. I was careful to buy healthy foods, and not load up on junk. I made breakfast and lunch (and packed two of them for my husband at work and my older daughter at school). I picked up dinner and added vegetables and fruit at home. Feeding my younger daughter is a job all by itself. Getting her to eat, and to eat enough, is exhausting and frustrating, and often a futile effort.

I took care of my daughter's medication refills. This included one call to the doctor's office, one call to the pharmacist, and two trips to the pharmacy. And all the time it takes to administer the medication and make sure it's the right medicine, the right doses, and the right times.

I dealt with an issue my daughter's been having at school, which included a call to my mom (for advice) and a long talk with my daughter.

I did a few chores. I swept the floor, unloaded the dishwasher and started reloading it, tidied a bit, and come to think of it, I did fold some clothes (thought they are still in the laundry basket).


I came to realize that I did get things done. Important things. When I looked for tangible evidence around my house last night, it didn't look like I did anything, but I did.

I'm not trying to shine a light on myself. I'm just trying to say that when we feel lousy and unaccomplished, sometimes we need to dig a little deeper to find the truth and significance in the work we are doing.  

Wow, I am exhausted again! Maybe it's the cloudy days and the upcoming winter?

Working for Opportunities

I like to watch "Leave it to Beaver" sometimes. I find it amusing. In the most recent episode I watched, Wally asked for nearly $4 to cover the cost of a uniform for a neighborhood baseball team. (I found it interesting that these were professional-looking baseball uniforms, from head to toe, not simply a t-shirt and hat.) Wally's father would not give him the money, but made him earn it by doing yard work for twenty-five cents an hour. All the other neighborhood boys were given the same arrangement by their parents: work at twenty-five cents an hour to earn the uniform, meaning that each boy would have to work for about 16 hours to get their uniforms. The boys started working and then there was a twist in the show, they learned a lesson in economics, and the show ended with the boys finally earning and wearing their uniforms.

This show was aired 58 years ago, and a lot has changed since then, but it got me thinking. When my daughter joined a neighborhood t-ball team, I handed over the $35 without much thought. She didn't have to earn it, and if she had, I likely wouldn't have made her do hard work for 16 hours. But maybe I shouldn't just hand over money like that. These days, I think most parents simply hand over the money for what their children want, especially if it's for sports, music, or other lessons or classes. We pay so that our kids can have opportunities. The opportunities to learn, play, participate in, and pursue sports, art, music, dance, martial arts, and other interests. We are all about giving our children opportunities. But should earning be a part of the opportunity? Hmmm. It's food for thought.

I try to raise my children to not have an attitude of entitlement, which seems so prevalent in society today. A part of parenting is providing for our children, which in some cases means shelling out the money for them to take piano lessons, swim lessons, play on a team, or other things that we know will be good for them, but that they may not initially be interested in. However, there are many things that my children do want. Instead of handing those things over or simply saying "No", I could make my children work for them (though I suspect I'll still be saying 'No' to some things). They can learn to work for things that they want, and that will prepare them for adulthood and teach them to work hard, learn the value of work, and appreciate what they have.

I'm not going to make my kids earn every little thing. They're still kids and they have a lot of learning and growing to do before they're ready to face adulthood. But now I'm going to stop and think the next time money is requested.

Today's pondering brought to you by "Leave it to Beaver"!

Postnatal Body Commentary- Is It Appropriate?

After Kate Middleton had her first baby, I noticed the media frenzy surrounding what her body looked like, even immediately afterwards. People seemed surprised to see her still-protruding belly. One person commented that the general public would have understood if she had chosen to wear something more loose-fitting to conceal her belly better. Not long afterward, the media was praising her body for bouncing back into shape. Around that time, I wrote this as my Facebook status:

The media commenting on celebrities' post-baby bodies (and praising the ones that 'bounce back' quickly) really bothers me. A woman's body should not be scrutinized after she has a baby (or ever). If the media really wanted to comment on the woman's body, they should say something like: 
"Talk about amazing bodies! After an uncomfortable 9 months of carrying and nourishing a baby, followed by a painful labor, this woman pushed an 8-pound baby out of her body! Wow!" 
The workings of the human body is what makes it amazing, and it should be celebrated as such. 

With the birth of Kate's second child, the commentary of her post-baby body resumed.  This time, her post-baby body got rave reviews, and many women bemoaned that maybe if they had great genetics, a professional personal clothing designer, and someone to do their hair and makeup after delivery, they might look something like that, too. (I know lots of celebrities have babies, and lots of postnatal bodies are criticized and commented on. I've never been one to be star-struck, or really care about celebrities any more than anyone else...I'm not sure why Kate Middleton's experiences stand out to me...Something to explore another time, I suppose.)

No one should feel criticism about the way their body looks. But commentary and criticism of pregnant and postnatal bodies really strikes a nerve with me. 

I recently commented to a friend that I don't like when people comment on post-baby bodies, even if they are positive comments. I remarked that when someone raves about one person's post-baby body, how are others supposed to feel about their own postnatal bodies? However, that is not what really bothers me. I don't believe others should withhold compliments because it might offend someone else. What bothers me about (even positive) commentary on post-baby bodies is the message it sends. The message that what you look like right after having a baby is important. If after having a baby, your looks is what people think to comment on, it seems that that is what's important. Women are faced with direct and indirect body criticism so much, if there's ever a time they shouldn't have to worry about it, if there's ever a time when looks just DON'T MATTER, it should be after they deliver a baby. There are far more important things going on when a baby is born.  

Two days after I had my second baby, I was standing in the waiting room of a children's hospital NICU. A couple of people I am close to commented on my body, saying that you couldn't even tell I had a baby, that I just had a bit of a belly to work off, and that was it. I knew they meant well. But it didn't make me feel any better. I actually wasn't ready for my body to bounce back yet. I couldn't carry my baby around with me because she was in the NICU, so I wanted some kind of visible evidence of her birth. I can't quite explain it, but having a bit of a post-baby belly was somewhat comforting during that time. I had heard a story long ago about a young woman who had given birth to a baby who didn't survive. Shortly after the birth, all stretch marks, baby weight, and any physical evidence of having carried and given birth to her baby was gone. The woman said she wished she could have kept the stretch marks so she would have some physical evidence of her baby (though I'm sure she'll feel the emotional evidence forever). I won't even pretend that what I experienced is even close to what she did. But I did understand the desire to have those physical markings of childbirth, because they indicate that something very important has happened. 

When someone commented on my post-baby body, I didn't care what I looked like at the time. I had a baby in the hospital. I was worried. I was in survival mode. I would sleep when I could, and I ate. Those are the only things I did to take care of my body. I didn't even want to eat. The only reason I did was so that I could keep up my milk supply, and because my mom would prepare food and put it in front of me. (Oh, there's food in front of me? Ok, I guess I'll eat.) A friend of mine also had a NICU baby. She remarked that having a baby in the NICU was one way to lose the baby weight fast, but that she'd rather still be fat. 

I have another friend who, when pregnant with her second child, was preparing for her second c-section. When it came time to deliver, she was in the hospital, hooked to monitors. All of the sudden the monitor's alarms went off and she was surrounded by a panicked frenzy of doctors and nurses. They hurried to get the baby out, fearing they had lost him. When the doctor lifted the sheet to perform another c-section, she quickly apologized that she'd have to make another c-section incision (and resulting scar) because the first one was in an odd place. However, scars could not be further from my friend's mind. She was worried about the life of her baby (who turned out to be fine, thank goodness).

Other friends of mine delivered healthy babies, but required major medical intervention to save their own lives.

There are thousands, nay, I daresay, millions of things that have to go right for childbirth to result in a living baby and mother (especially a living, healthy baby and mother)! I've heard some people argue that birth is a natural event, not a medical event. While childbirth is a natural event, I would argue that it is also a medical event. I am very happy for people who have had perfectly healthy deliveries with no interventions necessary. Perhaps the reason it is easy to comment on postnatal looks is because we are fortunate to live in a time and place where childbirth is usually a healthy experience, and when we hear a pregnancy announcement, we are joyful instead of fearful of losing mother and/or baby, as was more common in the past (and still is in other places in this world). In modern, developed countries, deliveries are usually relatively uneventful. But all mothers have to work through recovery, postpartum hormones, and exhaustion, even after healthy deliveries. And for many women, a healthy pregnancy and delivery is not a reality. A brief look into history and anthropology reveals that prenatal care and medical intervention has saved lives and improved the health of countless babies and women. So, how especially cruel is it to criticize a woman after she's had a baby and gone through a medical ordeal? To me, that is akin to criticizing someone who just got out of serious surgery, saying, "Hi! How are you- wow, what an incision! Wait, I thought they stitched it up; why is it so noticeable and swollen? When are you gonna start working on getting rid of that? Here, let's cover you up some more." A better approach would be, "How are you feeling? How did it go? You're awesome! Bodies are awesome! Science is awesome! Here's some flowers and chocolates, and I'd be happy to bring you dinner and clean your house when you get home." The focus should not be on looks, but on the mother's and baby's well-being, and the fact that a new person has been born!

I concede (a bit). It's really easy to comment on what you see. Sight is often the first of the five senses to observe a situation. I've commented on looks, too. As shallow as it may be, I enjoy compliments about my looks. Everyone does. I think the important thing is an appropriately-placed compliment. What emphasis are you putting on it? Is it so important that it should be the first thing you say about the situation? How much do you elaborate? How often are you offering this particular compliment? If you feel you want to comment on a postnatal body, and you know it would make the mother feel happy, do so- with tact and modesty. Don't broadcast it to the world. But if you really want to make a mother feel good, the best compliment you can give her (or anyone) is to show your confidence in her. Any mother would love to hear, "I can see how much you love your baby! You are a great mom and you're going to do such a good job!"

Many babies are born every day. Just because it's commonplace doesn't make it any less amazing. It is miraculous. Let's celebrate babies and mothers and families and what's most important!

The Adventures of Potty Training

The adventures of potty training. Doesn't that make it sound so exciting?! Whoo-hooo!

I was talking with Little Sister. Well, I was kind of drilling her. I was frustrated with potty training and was trying to explain to her how it was supposed to work. I'd ask a question, correct her incorrect answer, then try the question again.

Me: "What do we do if we have to go potty?"

Little Sister: "Jump up and down."

"No. We go the bathroom, then go potty in the toilet. What should you do if you have to go potty?"

"Do like this." (Lifted one leg up.)

"No, that's how doggies go potty. You're not a doggie. You go potty in the toilet. Where should you go if you have to go potty?"

"In the living room."

"No, you go in the bathroom, in the toilet. Let's try again. Where should you go if you have to go potty?"

"I go over there."

"I know, that's where you went last time, but you should go to the toilet in the bathroom. That's where we go potty. We want to keep panties clean and dry. How do you keep your panties clean and dry?"

"I peed in my panties."

"I know you did. But next time you should go in the toilet so you don't get your panties wet. How do you keep your panties clean and dry?"

(Mumbled something unintelligible.)

At this point I was getting pretty exasperated and you could hear it in my voice. I wasn't yelling, but I started talking more quickly and firmly. I gave her the correct answer then asked the clean and dry question again, only it came out as... "What.do.you.do... to keep your panties WET and DRY?!"

(Blank stare) "...I don't know."

And I realized my fumble, tried to correct myself, then gave up for the day.

Extra points for me for making potty training more difficult and confusing than it already is! It's a miracle any of us are potty trained, really. I once heard that late/slow potty training was a sign of high intelligence. Maybe because the kid's focused on more intellectually important things? I don't know. I don't actually believe that potty training and intelligence have much to do with each other, but it does give me some comfort (even if it's falsely founded) to think that slow potty training equates to high intelligence. Because if that's true, my kids are freakin' geniuses.

We're Still Learning: How to Deal with Differences

My daughter (Big Sister) has long been asking questions and making comments about other children, and how they do things that she doesn't do, or how they don't do things that she does do. For example:

"She's not playing the game right."
"Why can't he read? I can read."
"She's not cleaning up how she should. She's just making a mess."
"He's doing something he's not supposed to do."

She is young and is not trying to be mean or judgmental. She is just observing the world around her and is trying to understand and make sense of it. I have a go-to response for a lot of the behavior that she observes, and that is: "He [or she] is still learning." Sometimes, the children Big Sister is around are very young (like Little Sister) and haven't learned something solely because of their age. Sometimes, the children are Big Sister's age (or older) and we think maybe they should know better, but for whatever reason, they're still learning. And that's ok. We're still learning things, too. Big Sister accepts this response, and moves on with more understanding and compassion.

I shared this idea of "she's still learning" to a friend of mine, who suggested that this is something we can keep in mind about adults, too. We can get so angry and impatient with adults who we feel are not doing the right thing, when in fact, we are all still learning. We don't reach a certain point in our lives when we know everything and can cruise for the rest of our existence. We are all still learning until the day we die (and beyond, I believe).

I have had this idea on my mind a lot in relation to politics and general differences of opinion. I hate conflict and I hate politics. Because of that, I don't often volunteer to share views I hold that may be controversial or conflicting. I feel it accomplishes nothing because most people are not able to discuss differing opinions peacefully. I'm still working on it myself. I like peace. But it is impossible to have peace by trying to avoid conflict all of the time. Conflict does and always will exist, and trying to ignore it will not make it go away. One solution I can practice right now is remembering that we're all still learning.

Think for a moment about people who hold vastly different opinions than you do. Those people hold their beliefs because they have had different experiences than you have. They may have been raised in a different way, to believe different things, in a different environment, with different people and schooling influencing their thinking. Even after childhood, the friends, jobs, coworkers, experiences, and other influences people have can affect the way they believe. And ultimately, people are all different. They have different brains, with different physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual abilities. Even siblings who were raised similarly can have opposite opinions and beliefs when it is all said and done. With some views, there may not be a right and a wrong. Sometimes, we just need to agree to disagree and strive to reach a state of contentment despite differences.

Usually, people are 100% convicted and sure in their beliefs, just as you are. Hatred, meanness, and evil does exist, but there are also a lot of good people. There are good people who, when stating an opposing view to someone, are not trying to be mean, hurtful, or hateful. If someone believes that they are, either the recipient is wrongly perceiving it as such, and is still learning how to accurately determine intentions, or the other person is still learning how to convey a message in a way that is more true to the loving ways they actually intend. Or perhaps both parties still have something to learn, either through life experience or study.

"He's still learning" or "She's still learning" is not meant to be patronizing or condescending, as in, "Oh, the poor dear is still learning how the world works, so that's why she feels the way she does." We are all still learning. There are real reasons that people feel the way they do. We need to learn from people, and also understand that because of their experiences and individuality, they may still have something to learn that we already have. And in the same breath, we need to understand that perhaps there is something for us to learn that they have already learned.

Sometimes learning can be painful. Learning does not excuse us from consequences. Students at school do not always get a perfect or a good score, even if they are doing their best and trying diligently to learn. Part of learning is making mistakes, facing consequences, and gleaning what we can from those experiences. Remembering that we're all still learning helps encourage understanding and compassion amidst the hard work and pain.

As far as politics go, I don't think that there is one good solution for every single person. I don't like a lot of the answers out there, but I can't really come up with any of my own. Sometimes the right answer for one group of people means something isn't quite fair for another group. There is no one perfect solution. It's all about trying to find the best solution for the population in general, and that can leave a lot of hurt for individuals going through very personal conflicts. There is not one way, in my opinion, for the government to fix everything. There is a lot of work that falls on us, as individuals, families, and communities, to help people. Whether we are making decisions as a government or individual, we don't have a chance of helping people, or helping others understand our point of view, if we do not try to be understanding ourselves. And we have no chance of finding peace if we don't listen to each other and understand that we're all still learning.