After Kate Middleton had her first baby, I noticed the media frenzy surrounding what her body looked like, even immediately afterwards. People seemed surprised to see her still-protruding belly. One person commented that the general public would have understood if she had chosen to wear something more loose-fitting to conceal her belly better. Not long afterward, the media was praising her body for bouncing back into shape. Around that time, I wrote this as my Facebook status:
The media commenting on celebrities' post-baby bodies (and praising the ones that 'bounce back' quickly) really bothers me. A woman's body should not be scrutinized after she has a baby (or ever). If the media really wanted to comment on the woman's body, they should say something like:
"Talk about amazing bodies! After an uncomfortable 9 months of carrying and nourishing a baby, followed by a painful labor, this woman pushed an 8-pound baby out of her body! Wow!"
The workings of the human body is what makes it amazing, and it should be celebrated as such.
The media commenting on celebrities' post-baby bodies (and praising the ones that 'bounce back' quickly) really bothers me. A woman's body should not be scrutinized after she has a baby (or ever). If the media really wanted to comment on the woman's body, they should say something like:
"Talk about amazing bodies! After an uncomfortable 9 months of carrying and nourishing a baby, followed by a painful labor, this woman pushed an 8-pound baby out of her body! Wow!"
The workings of the human body is what makes it amazing, and it should be celebrated as such.
With the birth of Kate's second child, the commentary of her post-baby body resumed. This time, her post-baby body got rave reviews, and many women bemoaned that maybe if they had great genetics, a professional personal clothing designer, and someone to do their hair and makeup after delivery, they might look something like that, too. (I know lots of celebrities have babies, and lots of postnatal bodies are criticized and commented on. I've never been one to be star-struck, or really care about celebrities any more than anyone else...I'm not sure why Kate Middleton's experiences stand out to me...Something to explore another time, I suppose.)
No one should feel criticism about the way their body looks. But commentary and criticism of pregnant and postnatal bodies really strikes a nerve with me.
I recently commented to a friend that I don't like when people comment on post-baby bodies, even if they are positive comments. I remarked that when someone raves about one person's post-baby body, how are others supposed to feel about their own postnatal bodies? However, that is not what really bothers me. I don't believe others should withhold compliments because it might offend someone else. What bothers me about (even positive) commentary on post-baby bodies is the message it sends. The message that what you look like right after having a baby is important. If after having a baby, your looks is what people think to comment on, it seems that that is what's important. Women are faced with direct and indirect body criticism so much, if there's ever a time they shouldn't have to worry about it, if there's ever a time when looks just DON'T MATTER, it should be after they deliver a baby. There are far more important things going on when a baby is born.
When someone commented on my post-baby body, I didn't care what I looked like at the time. I had a baby in the hospital. I was worried. I was in survival mode. I would sleep when I could, and I ate. Those are the only things I did to take care of my body. I didn't even want to eat. The only reason I did was so that I could keep up my milk supply, and because my mom would prepare food and put it in front of me. (Oh, there's food in front of me? Ok, I guess I'll eat.) A friend of mine also had a NICU baby. She remarked that having a baby in the NICU was one way to lose the baby weight fast, but that she'd rather still be fat.
No one should feel criticism about the way their body looks. But commentary and criticism of pregnant and postnatal bodies really strikes a nerve with me.
I recently commented to a friend that I don't like when people comment on post-baby bodies, even if they are positive comments. I remarked that when someone raves about one person's post-baby body, how are others supposed to feel about their own postnatal bodies? However, that is not what really bothers me. I don't believe others should withhold compliments because it might offend someone else. What bothers me about (even positive) commentary on post-baby bodies is the message it sends. The message that what you look like right after having a baby is important. If after having a baby, your looks is what people think to comment on, it seems that that is what's important. Women are faced with direct and indirect body criticism so much, if there's ever a time they shouldn't have to worry about it, if there's ever a time when looks just DON'T MATTER, it should be after they deliver a baby. There are far more important things going on when a baby is born.
Two days after I had my second baby, I was standing in the waiting room of a children's hospital NICU. A couple of people I am close to commented on my body, saying that you couldn't even tell I had a baby, that I just had a bit of a belly to work off, and that was it. I knew they meant well. But it didn't make me feel any better. I actually wasn't ready for my body to bounce back yet. I couldn't carry my baby around with me because she was in the NICU, so I wanted some kind of visible evidence of her birth. I can't quite explain it, but having a bit of a post-baby belly was somewhat comforting during that time. I had heard a story long ago about a young woman who had given birth to a baby who didn't survive. Shortly after the birth, all stretch marks, baby weight, and any physical evidence of having carried and given birth to her baby was gone. The woman said she wished she could have kept the stretch marks so she would have some physical evidence of her baby (though I'm sure she'll feel the emotional evidence forever). I won't even pretend that what I experienced is even close to what she did. But I did understand the desire to have those physical markings of childbirth, because they indicate that something very important has happened.
When someone commented on my post-baby body, I didn't care what I looked like at the time. I had a baby in the hospital. I was worried. I was in survival mode. I would sleep when I could, and I ate. Those are the only things I did to take care of my body. I didn't even want to eat. The only reason I did was so that I could keep up my milk supply, and because my mom would prepare food and put it in front of me. (Oh, there's food in front of me? Ok, I guess I'll eat.) A friend of mine also had a NICU baby. She remarked that having a baby in the NICU was one way to lose the baby weight fast, but that she'd rather still be fat.
I have another friend who, when pregnant with her second child, was preparing for her second c-section. When it came time to deliver, she was in the hospital, hooked to monitors. All of the sudden the monitor's alarms went off and she was surrounded by a panicked frenzy of doctors and nurses. They hurried to get the baby out, fearing they had lost him. When the doctor lifted the sheet to perform another c-section, she quickly apologized that she'd have to make another c-section incision (and resulting scar) because the first one was in an odd place. However, scars could not be further from my friend's mind. She was worried about the life of her baby (who turned out to be fine, thank goodness).
Other friends of mine delivered healthy babies, but required major medical intervention to save their own lives.
There are thousands, nay, I daresay, millions of things that have to go right for childbirth to result in a living baby and mother (especially a living, healthy baby and mother)! I've heard some people argue that birth is a natural event, not a medical event. While childbirth is a natural event, I would argue that it is also a medical event. I am very happy for people who have had perfectly healthy deliveries with no interventions necessary. Perhaps the reason it is easy to comment on postnatal looks is because we are fortunate to live in a time and place where childbirth is usually a healthy experience, and when we hear a pregnancy announcement, we are joyful instead of fearful of losing mother and/or baby, as was more common in the past (and still is in other places in this world). In modern, developed countries, deliveries are usually relatively uneventful. But all mothers have to work through recovery, postpartum hormones, and exhaustion, even after healthy deliveries. And for many women, a healthy pregnancy and delivery is not a reality. A brief look into history and anthropology reveals that prenatal care and medical intervention has saved lives and improved the health of countless babies and women. So, how especially cruel is it to criticize a woman after she's had a baby and gone through a medical ordeal? To me, that is akin to criticizing someone who just got out of serious surgery, saying, "Hi! How are you- wow, what an incision! Wait, I thought they stitched it up; why is it so noticeable and swollen? When are you gonna start working on getting rid of that? Here, let's cover you up some more." A better approach would be, "How are you feeling? How did it go? You're awesome! Bodies are awesome! Science is awesome! Here's some flowers and chocolates, and I'd be happy to bring you dinner and clean your house when you get home." The focus should not be on looks, but on the mother's and baby's well-being, and the fact that a new person has been born!
I concede (a bit). It's really easy to comment on what you see. Sight is often the first of the five senses to observe a situation. I've commented on looks, too. As shallow as it may be, I enjoy compliments about my looks. Everyone does. I think the important thing is an appropriately-placed compliment. What emphasis are you putting on it? Is it so important that it should be the first thing you say about the situation? How much do you elaborate? How often are you offering this particular compliment? If you feel you want to comment on a postnatal body, and you know it would make the mother feel happy, do so- with tact and modesty. Don't broadcast it to the world. But if you really want to make a mother feel good, the best compliment you can give her (or anyone) is to show your confidence in her. Any mother would love to hear, "I can see how much you love your baby! You are a great mom and you're going to do such a good job!"
Many babies are born every day. Just because it's commonplace doesn't make it any less amazing. It is miraculous. Let's celebrate babies and mothers and families and what's most important!
Other friends of mine delivered healthy babies, but required major medical intervention to save their own lives.
There are thousands, nay, I daresay, millions of things that have to go right for childbirth to result in a living baby and mother (especially a living, healthy baby and mother)! I've heard some people argue that birth is a natural event, not a medical event. While childbirth is a natural event, I would argue that it is also a medical event. I am very happy for people who have had perfectly healthy deliveries with no interventions necessary. Perhaps the reason it is easy to comment on postnatal looks is because we are fortunate to live in a time and place where childbirth is usually a healthy experience, and when we hear a pregnancy announcement, we are joyful instead of fearful of losing mother and/or baby, as was more common in the past (and still is in other places in this world). In modern, developed countries, deliveries are usually relatively uneventful. But all mothers have to work through recovery, postpartum hormones, and exhaustion, even after healthy deliveries. And for many women, a healthy pregnancy and delivery is not a reality. A brief look into history and anthropology reveals that prenatal care and medical intervention has saved lives and improved the health of countless babies and women. So, how especially cruel is it to criticize a woman after she's had a baby and gone through a medical ordeal? To me, that is akin to criticizing someone who just got out of serious surgery, saying, "Hi! How are you- wow, what an incision! Wait, I thought they stitched it up; why is it so noticeable and swollen? When are you gonna start working on getting rid of that? Here, let's cover you up some more." A better approach would be, "How are you feeling? How did it go? You're awesome! Bodies are awesome! Science is awesome! Here's some flowers and chocolates, and I'd be happy to bring you dinner and clean your house when you get home." The focus should not be on looks, but on the mother's and baby's well-being, and the fact that a new person has been born!
I concede (a bit). It's really easy to comment on what you see. Sight is often the first of the five senses to observe a situation. I've commented on looks, too. As shallow as it may be, I enjoy compliments about my looks. Everyone does. I think the important thing is an appropriately-placed compliment. What emphasis are you putting on it? Is it so important that it should be the first thing you say about the situation? How much do you elaborate? How often are you offering this particular compliment? If you feel you want to comment on a postnatal body, and you know it would make the mother feel happy, do so- with tact and modesty. Don't broadcast it to the world. But if you really want to make a mother feel good, the best compliment you can give her (or anyone) is to show your confidence in her. Any mother would love to hear, "I can see how much you love your baby! You are a great mom and you're going to do such a good job!"
Many babies are born every day. Just because it's commonplace doesn't make it any less amazing. It is miraculous. Let's celebrate babies and mothers and families and what's most important!
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