What Did I Even Do Today?

Last night, I was feeling pretty lousy. I felt like I got nothing done that day. By the time I put my girls to bed at about 8:00, I was exhausted, and had no energy left to do the myriad of chores that waited for me. There were dirty dishes in the sink, overflowing to the counter. Our dinner mess was still on the table. And it was a take-out dinner. Bags of (non-perishable) groceries were still sitting on the counter. I didn't finish organizing my room, and my floors needed washing. There were clean clothes that needed to be put away and a lot of dirty laundry. I had not done any laundry that day. I could keep going. You get the idea.

Lately, I have tried really hard to get my house in order. I've never been the neatest person, and I've never cared too much if someone saw my house in less than perfect condition. But in the past several months, it has been bothering me more, and I've been working to change that. Not because of any social or cultural expectation. I actually get tired of reading blogs about how it's ok if you're house is a disgusting disaster 'cause you're a mom and "the chores will still be there later". It's good that there's an aspect of mom culture these days that releases you from stringent cleaning expectations, but sometimes I feel like the pendulum has swung the other way. There is something to having a clean home. I've started noticing how good I feel when I am in a clean, orderly, pleasant-looking environment. I see it even in my children. When they walk into a clean room, they have a burst of energy and excitement from seeing a clean, open space to play in. I am just so tired of being overwhelmed by my surroundings in my own home. I want my home to be more peaceful and enjoyable to me.

So I've tried doing at least one load of laundry every day. For a while now, I've put more of an effort into keeping up with the dishes, and I'm still working on it. I've put new tidying and cleaning practices into place. I'm trying to get my family on board. I've tried cleaning things out, throwing things out, and donating things. I've paid extra attention to different colors and objects and how they make me feel. I've rearranged, I've decorated, I've tried hard to make my home a more enjoyable place. I still have a ways to go, and I'm ok with that, as long as I keep trying.

Yesterday, I fulfilled none of those new goals, and I felt frustrated and depressed, especially since I am a stay at home mom, so those things shouldn't be that hard to do, right? I really did feel like I accomplished nothing. I started examining my day. It wasn't a particularly busy day, so why was I so tired, and how had I accomplished nothing?!

Soon, I realized that I didn't do nothing.

I provided care for my children. It's easy for me to think that this is no big deal. When a mom stays home with her children, many people don't qualify that as work, and they wonder what she does all day. Yet childcare is something that people pay lots of money for, and we put a lot of energy into making sure our children's babysitters, daycare, and schools are high-quality. So even if I am doing nothing else, providing childcare for my children is important.

I watched my friend's child for a while, too.

I continued working on potty training my younger daughter (I had forgotten how much time active potty training takes!).

I fed my family. I went grocery shopping. I was careful to buy healthy foods, and not load up on junk. I made breakfast and lunch (and packed two of them for my husband at work and my older daughter at school). I picked up dinner and added vegetables and fruit at home. Feeding my younger daughter is a job all by itself. Getting her to eat, and to eat enough, is exhausting and frustrating, and often a futile effort.

I took care of my daughter's medication refills. This included one call to the doctor's office, one call to the pharmacist, and two trips to the pharmacy. And all the time it takes to administer the medication and make sure it's the right medicine, the right doses, and the right times.

I dealt with an issue my daughter's been having at school, which included a call to my mom (for advice) and a long talk with my daughter.

I did a few chores. I swept the floor, unloaded the dishwasher and started reloading it, tidied a bit, and come to think of it, I did fold some clothes (thought they are still in the laundry basket).


I came to realize that I did get things done. Important things. When I looked for tangible evidence around my house last night, it didn't look like I did anything, but I did.

I'm not trying to shine a light on myself. I'm just trying to say that when we feel lousy and unaccomplished, sometimes we need to dig a little deeper to find the truth and significance in the work we are doing.  

Wow, I am exhausted again! Maybe it's the cloudy days and the upcoming winter?