Understanding Faith and Depression

Although mental illness is getting more attention in recent years, there are still a lot of skewed ideas about it. Personal experience with depression, which I have suffered from intermittently for years, has taught me a lot. Not all cases of depression are equal. Depression manifests itself differently from one person to another. It comes with many different symptoms and degrees of intensity. Manifestations can also vary with time. The depression I experienced years ago is not the same as the depression I struggle with now. My depression was never self-harming or suicidal, but I have still experienced much despair, and my heart reaches out to those people (and their loved ones) who have experienced self-harming and suicidal depression. I have learned the stigma that is often associated with depression, and therefore dislike the label of "depression". This misnomer causes many to believe that those who suffer from depression are only depressed, i.e., sad, a lot, or that people should have the ability to "snap out of it". I have even felt embarrassed telling medical professionals that I have depression, because I'm afraid it sounds like I'm just whining about having a rough day, although I know better and they hopefully know better.

There are many people who comment on mental illness, implying or directly saying that if only the sufferer had faith, or had religion, he or she would not have this struggle. Many fellow sufferers of mental illness attack this claim, comparing their illness to diabetes, or another sickness that cannot be healed by our faith alone. This comparison is accurate, in that medical and medicinal intervention is often required to heal depression, and may not even help or cure it. However, this comparison doesn't really help others to understand why depression is so incapacitating and how faith is not related to depression in the way that they think it is. Before I started struggling with the illness, I, too, wondered how someone could handle being so sad all the time. I thought they could just pull themselves out of it if they really wanted to. It is really hard to understand what's going on in someone's body if you haven't been through it yourself. 

We don't know everything about the body, and especially the brain. We do know that one cause of depression is chemical imbalances in the brain. This is a physiological reason for it; it's not for lack of determination or faith. And as for the other causes of depression, just because we don't fully understand it doesn't mean it doesn't exist or doesn't have a logical reason behind it. There was a time when mankind did not see or understand how sicknesses or impairments worked, and because people wanted an explanation for it, they decided that certain impairments must be caused by some evil doing. As time passed, we gained greater understanding of science, and we are now able to validate and explain sicknesses that were once attributed to evil or a thing of the imagination. People with depression can, and often do, have faith. But even if you feel the comfort faith can offer, you can still feel any combination of the symptoms of depression: crushing sadness, anger, hopelessness, emotional numbness, cognitive difficulties, lack of enjoyment, and physical manifestations of depression (fatigue, headaches, body pains, etc.), among others. Just like many other trials in life, faith can help comfort you, but it cannot erase the trials or its symptoms.  

There is another problem with the idea that faith can fix depression. I have learned first-hand that faith becomes something incredibly hard for the chronically depressed. When you have faith and utilize it, you often feel something. You have a strong conviction and an inner peace. You have a warm feeling and a feeling of hope. You feel loved and sure. This is what many of the Christian faith consider to be the Holy Spirit, or the Spirit of God, communicating with our spirit, letting us know what is true, and helping us to feel of God's presence and love. However, those struggling with depression can struggle to feel the Spirit.

Throughout my life, I have been taught that I can always have the Spirit of God with me, as long as I am trying my best, repenting, and avoiding sin. Not long ago, I was rarely feeling the Spirit. I was, and am, far from perfect, but I was trying hard to do what's right. I felt like I should be able to feel the Spirit, especially when I was praying and worshiping. I didn't remember having this problem when I struggled with depression years ago. But the depression I've experienced in more recent years feels different, and it has been accompanied by the frustration of not feeling the Spirit. There were long periods of time when I couldn't feel it at all. I was very confused as to why this was so. God is all-powerful. Can't His Spirit pull through even the darkest clouds of depression? Well, it can. And at times, it does. But often, even when the Spirit's there, we can't feel it.

Through counseling, studying, and pondering, I have learned that there are things other than sin that can cause you to not feel the Spirit. Things such as exhaustion, stress, and illness (both physical and mental). I hope that all who are struggling spiritually, for whatever reason, can talk with a trusted friend, family member, and/or religious leader. This can help to find the spiritual support and guidance needed during this time. I believe that sometimes we don't feel the Spirit for a time as a test of our faith. I think this is one of our biggest trials of faith in life: to rely on faith, even when you can't feel it. God is always there, but we don't always feel Him. The sun is always shining, but we don't see it when it is hidden by clouds and storms. 

Aside from depression, I have had very hard challenges in my life, as has everyone. During my darkest times, I struggled a lot. But, because I was able to feel the Spirit, I had faith and hope that I'd come out of those hard times. But with this depression, for a long time, I felt nothing. I was trying hard. I was praying. And I still felt absolutely nothing. I felt like even my most fervent prayers bounced off the ceiling. I was confused, as I was not getting what I thought I was promised- the feelings of the Spirit of God. I felt like I would be okay with my depression and all the other tremendous trials I had, if I could feel the Spirit. But as much as I tried, I couldn't. I started to doubt. And lose faith. When you don't experience something for a long time, you stop believing it and start to wonder how you ever believed it.

On more than one occasion, I've heard someone use a light switch as a metaphor for faith. When you flip the light switch, a light comes on. You do it a lot, multiple times every day. So you start developing a strong confidence and belief in what a light switch does. As long as you pay your power bill and keep a working bulb in the socket, you expect light to come on whenever you flip the switch. You don't KNOW it will come on, but it's happened so many times, you have a strong belief that it will work. For most people, faith works the same way. You've never SEEN God, but you know He exists because when you exercise faith, you feel an affirmation through the Spirit that He's real, and through the Spirit, you can see what He's done for you in your life. Well, in this analogy, faith was failing for me. I felt like I had flipped the light switch (exercised faith) so many times when it failed to work (failed to feel the Spirit), that it was becoming increasingly difficult to believe in.

Why is this? Why does clinical depression sometimes affect the ability to feel the Spirit of God? I have learned that there is a strong relationship between the body, mind, and spirit. If you struggle with your mind or body, your spirit can suffer, too. Therefore, feeling the Spirit of God will be difficult.

The body (including the brain) is a dwelling place for your spirit. If your body and/or mind is not in a good condition, your spirit will struggle. This happens temporarily to everyone. When you're really sick, in bed, feverish and throwing up, is your spirit in the greatest shape? Is it easy to feel the Spirit of God? If you're like me, you'll pray to God, but beyond that, you really aren't feeling strong manifestations of the Spirit. You're just trying to get physically well. For most of us, illness like this is relatively short-term. Our bodies recover, and our spirits more or less pick up where it left off. However, there are many people who are chronically ill, be it physically or mentally. In this case, their spirit can suffer and struggle to feel the Spirit of God.

There are many examples of this relationship and how spirituality will suffer if the body or mind suffers. I attended Brigham Young University, a private Christian school owned by The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. All professors were required to tie in a spiritual aspect to all classes. Some did this smoothly, while others seemed to have to really stretch to find a correlation (How do you tie spirituality into a bowling class?). The spiritual connection my Nutrition professor presented was something I don't think I'll ever forget. She showed the class a picture of a severely malnourished child from a third-world country. She said something to the effect of, "If you want to share the gospel of Jesus Christ with this child, are you going to go up and start talking about it? No. First, you're going to try and find some food for this child." You're going to take care of physical needs to the best of your ability before you address spiritual needs. Likewise, if you are eager to share God's word, and you see someone get into an accident, you're going to make sure the person gets medical help before you share the word of God. In both of these examples, the people are not in the best condition to work on their spiritual needs because they have great physical needs.

We usually work simultaneously on the physical, mental, and spiritual well-being of ourselves (and those dependent on us, such as our children), but if one of those things is suffering, we need to put a stronger focus on that aspect of well-being until it is better. And then we can have a more balanced focus of care again.

In my religion, we believe that no commandment is only secular. All commandments have a spiritual component. There are commandments concerning what food and drink I should and shouldn't put in my body. I have also been taught to do my best to keep food storage in my home for emergencies. These instructions are to help my body stay nourished. This would seem to be only a secular endeavor, but think about how you feel when you are very hungry...it definitely affects more than just your physical well-being. It's much easier to get depressed, irritated, and angry when you are really hungry. American culture acknowledges this in the use of the term "hangry" and recent Snickers® commercials, proclaiming "You're not you when you're hungry." There are times when I feel so overwhelmed and in tears. And then I eat lunch. Or I take a nap. Suddenly, things seem better and much more manageable. The more deprived I am of my physical needs, the harder it is to be patient and calm and in a state where I can feel the Spirit of God.

I am fortunate. I was able to get help for my depression, and it has worked. I feel better. I no longer feel so hopeless and sad and numb. I don't cry very much any more; it used to be nearly every day, multiple times a day. I still struggle with trials, and I occasionally have a day when my depression seems to come back with a vengeance. But I am doing better. And, along with those improvements, I am also feeling the Spirit more. I still have some struggles and questions, but I no longer feel that God is so far away. 

I do not want to underestimate the power of faith. We read about miracles in the Bible and other scriptures, about when faithful people were healed of their sicknesses. I believe that all kinds of miracles still happen today, and if it is God's will, He can heal us of our sicknesses. However, this life is meant to have trials, and I think that most of the time, we are meant to suffer through them at least for a time and learn from them. Usually, faith alone does not cure our illnesses. Faith can guide you and help depression on a certain level, just like it can any other illness. It can give you hope and help lift your mood, which can in turn help your body and mind handle the sickness a bit better. But like other illnesses, faith is not the cure-all for depression. Furthermore, even the faithful who have depression can struggle to find spiritual comfort and affirmation in their faith. I pray that all who have felt the tremendous darkness of depression will be able to find healing, and that they will be able to feel the Spirit of God fill their soul and remind them that God was and is there with them all along, even if they couldn't feel His presence. Just like the sun is still doing its job on stormy days, God is working His plans in our lives even when darkness and storms are all that we can see.