A Different Perspective of Sex

Turn on the radio or TV. Leave your house and go to the store. You'll see that this world we live in is almost saturated with sex. It is seen almost everywhere you look, be it subtle or obvious. It is one of the reasons it's scary to raise children in this world. It's an uncomfortable topic for me, and I don't really like talking about it because sex is personal and sacred, and it is often misused and abused. But I had an experience a while ago that put things into perspective for me, and I want to share that.

I believe that sex is sacred and should be saved for marriage. I believe that the purpose of sex is for the benefit of the relationship of the married couple, and for having children. This is a very different belief from what is considered "normal". When you look around you, you may find that sex is displayed as being only for fun, pleasure, and excitement; something light-hearted; something you can throw around and pass from one person to another. Even with my strong beliefs, it is sometimes hard to remember that sex is sacred and serious when I am confronted with this other view so much.

When my first child was born, she was in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) for one week. Nearly two years ago, my younger daughter made her entrance into this world and spent three weeks in the NICU. It was a large one, with space available for nearly 100 babies. While she was receiving care there, my husband and I spoke with many doctors, nurses, and specialists. One day, one of the doctors was telling us how she was doing, and the doctor said something like, "One thing that makes me hopeful is that she has you guys. She has a good support system." At the time, this was of little comfort to me, as I thought that that was just something they told everyone to try to make them feel better. But I was wrong. That isn't something they could tell everyone. When you're in the NICU, you hear a lot. The babies are situated quite close together to ensure a close eye is being kept on all of them. Also, the waiting room outside of the NICU was small. It was easy to hear of others' situations. I heard about babies of single parents. One new mother was telling someone that her baby's father was unaware of the baby's existence, and that she did not want him to know. It was a bad situation. I have respect for single parents. I know they love their children and they work really hard. I know there are a lot of messy situations you can't foresee. On occasion, harsh realities make it so that a child is better off away from his or her biological mother, father, or both. But that doesn't change the fact that all children deserve to have a mom and a dad, and a good support system.

I remember thinking about this in the NICU one day, when it hit me: This place was a huge deal. There were so many doctors and nurses and hospital workers working around the clock, every single day of the year. There is an unthinkable amount of energy, money, resources, supplies, work, knowledge, prayers, tears, and hope, all put forth in an effort to help, heal, and sustain the lives of our sweet babies. And how did these babies come to be? *Sex. Sex isn't usually something you're thinking about when you visit your sick baby in the midst of many other sick babies. But sex is what made those babies happen. What hit me was how very serious the concept of sex was in that moment (and should always be), and how one's view of sex is so far from the world's view of sex when you have a baby. When a man and a woman have sex, it should be understood that a baby could come from it. Bringing a child into this world, and raising that child, is very serious. Some babies may come to this world healthier than others, but no person is uncomplicated and easy to raise. We are all complex. Every person needs the best support system possible. When people have a casual attitude about sex, and a baby comes from that sex, it's less likely that that baby is going to have as good of a support system as he or she needs and deserves. I know a lot of people would say they aren't going to conceive a baby because of birth control, infertility, or other reasons. But the fact that sex can bring another human being into the world shows how serious and powerful it is, and that you should treat it with care, whether it produces a baby or not.

Whenever I feel bombarded by flippant attitudes about sex, I try to remember how I felt that day in the NICU. I try to think about all the babies. And the people in this world. And I remember that even if people don't treat it how they should, sex is sacred.**


*Some children are brought to this world via artificial insemination, which isn't typically considered sex, but should also be treated with careful consideration of both parents and child. 
**Sacred usually refers to a religious, divine meaning, but it also signifies reverence and respect in general.